Friday, December 9, 2011

Why in the Night Sky are the Lights Hung

I am really hoping that life will not always be a constant struggle.  It kind of seems like that though.  I really hope that I learn to pursue God through my struggles.  And I hope that I can continue to grow and evolve and mature as a believer and... as a wife to Jordan.

I see the type of woman, wife and mother I want to be, but some days it is a constant struggle.  Jordan teaches me so much about relationships and how to be good at it.   His patience with me is never-ending, his love, kindness, sweet and quiet words are always in abundance.   Funny thing is, he has really only been in one serious relationship before me.  I am beyond grateful for Jordan.  

I have realized that I have matured at a young mother, but I still lack in so many important ways as a wife.  Here are two keys things I have to remind myself as a wife: control your temper and say I'm sorry.  Im getting better but my attitude is still a work in progress.  

I'm so thankful for a husband that has an abundance of patience. I am thankful  his parents led by example! I can say with all confidence that Jordan is such an amazing husband (and father!) because he had a fantastic example of how to be just that from his parents.  And THAT is what I hope to be for Ian.

Life is good though... more change is happening... its been the '6 months of lots of change' for my life and heart :) its good though.  God totally pulled through and provided a house for us to rent at the end of the month...WHEW! Not that I was getting worried or anything heh  And I raised $850 for Project Viatu to become a 501(c)3 in less than 24 hours! Thanks again God :D

I felt this song very appropriate.  And seeing them live this year was magical  Blue Spotted Tail by Fleet Foxes

Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful"

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Woman of Christ

Since my papa Mathews passed away I have been spending a lot more time with my Grandma Mathews (or Grandma Mattie as my little brothers call her hehe).  I have always felt close to my grandma Mathews. Ever since I can remember we have been writing letters to one another on a weekly basis. Now that she lives in Tulsa there is no more need for letters :) After all, my letters were always more than 4 pages long and when I didn't hear back from her by the next week, well, I wrote her ANOTHER one.  And if you are wondering, which you probably aren't ha, I have saved every letter she wrote me.

Let me give you a little back ground on grandma. Ruth Mathews is a strong, Godly woman.  She was born in 1923.  So, she was 5 or 6 during The Great Depression and was married to a Navy fellow (Papa) during World War II.  Grandma raised 4 Godly, grounded children and that alone is an amazing accomplishment to me!  Ruth is a giver, a woman of love. Something I have always admired about grandma is her support of missionaries, and the gift of love and time she gives to the elderly in nursing homes.  As a young girl, I remember going to the nursing home across the street from my grandma's church and watching her graciously join the nursing home elderly on Sundays.  She still visits the nursing home residents in her community where she lives.

I feel as though we, as people, are apart of our ancestors.  Our paths were molded by the hardships, the joys, the triumphs, and tragedies our ancestors went through.  And there is SOMETHING extra special about coming from women of faith that is passed down from generation to generation.  After all, Christ should be our hope and inspiration to get through our struggles. He is our rock with whom we stand and rely on.

I try to soak in every word and moment that grandma Mathews and I have together.  I often think when I'm with her, how can I be more like her? How can I learn to love like she loves? How can I possess the strength and character like her? How do I stay thin and beautiful like her?! Wait... I mean.

The answer I have learned from Grandma Mathews is this:  a constantly growing relationship with Christ.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Stepping Out in Faith

I once again felt God speaking to me about why I am at TCC.  Yeah, why am I at TCC?? Well, I thought I was there to start (not finish) in Liberal Arts with an International Emphasis, then apply, and move along to The University of London.  Two nights ago I felt the Lord quietly speaking to my heart..I was there to get my associates in Child Development. WHAT?! Hm, thats okay Lord, I think I'll take my do not stop, pass go and head straight to International Development at a University- thanks though!

With lots of hesitations I stopped and prayed, "Lord is this really what you want me to do? Give me a peace, an answer.. I want to be obedient." I felt God say in that familiar voiceless voice, "Do you trust Me?"

So here I am..... working on trusting God. For some reason, still mostly unknown to me, I will be studying  Early Childhood Development at Tulsa Community College.  I have a feeling it is somehow linked to me helping children in Kenya and I specifically orphans.

It has been quite a struggle these past two days to have complete trust in God.  To my logical mind, this makes no sense.  I'm not even interested in doing Child Education, but I know this is all a part of God plan for my life, and for my family's life and OUR calling to Kenya and beyond.

Again today, the Lord said to my heart, "Do you trust me?"

I'll end this post with this verse from Psalms 121:

      "I lift my eyes up to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip- he watches over you when you slumber... the Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life.."

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Second Chance

...Following God's direction...

Its so easy to say, "yes Lord, I will follow your direction for my life,I will listen to your calling, and your will", but when it comes down to showtime my nerves start to surface,doubt, and failure starts to creep up in my heart.

After praying about where I want to go to college (and what my major will be!!) I feel so ready to pursue those dreams and make them reality.  So, I started the first step to my process at Tulsa Community College. And a week ago I started a fast track English class and when the time came for me to start classes fear crept up in my heart.  I all of a sudden remembered my the time I failed at Oral Roberts University. I dropped out of school, I could not study and stay focused on the goal of making good grades. So five years ago I just.....quit.  It was that easy to just stop and say, " I give up and I can't do this."  Those same thoughts came flooding back to me as I try and write my second essay. I said to myself, "it would be so easy to just give up, but how amazing is it that I am given a second change to pursue God's calling on me life."

I'm so thankful for the promise that God still directs my path and yes, has a plan for my family!  I found this verse in 1 Corinthians 7 very encouraging to me these past few weeks.

"Where you are right now is God's place for you.  Live and obey and love and believe right there."

...Fear, quitting, and failure are not an option, only Gods grace and abundance is...

  Taking this life and God's process for us one day at a time is okay.  For where YOU are is RIGHT where God wants you.

I'm relieved. I'm happy and joyful knowing this path I'm on is where God is calling me.. my second chance!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

change is good, right??

I felt this spring this was going to be my year! I felt in my heart something about 2011 was going to be special, different, and that CHANGE was coming for my life.

If you haven't noticed, its almost August and the only change I have felt was the heat.......... and ya know, I was really frustrated this change had not happened yet to me or Project Viatu.  Then I heard the Lord say to me, "simplify your life to hear my voice and in doing I will prepare you for what Project Viatu will become". Cool. WHAT? I'm a stay at home mother, my hubs and I have one car, I don't have much of a life to simplify Lord! I also learned you shouldn't second guess God when He tells you something..probably not the best idea :)

I realized after "mourning-the- loss-of-my-past-life-that-never-happened" episode, even though Christ has 'something' for us sometimes we have to except and initiate that change.  We have to be the do-er to get the good change happening.  Through simplifying my life, my heart, and spiritual life it has opened the door for good things to happen and good change to take place.

A sermon my father-in-law wrote last April was titled this, " Good Things Are Happening"  He said there are 3 problems with good.

Problem #1. Good is misunderstood. God wants our circumstances to be changed and he wants us to be blessed!

"What God does to you, he does in you, THROUGH you and FOR you." -Craig McLeod

Problem #2. Good causes conflict.  Good created you for invading darkness, God takes on darkness and dispels it.

problem #3  Good is not popular.  "People thrive in conflict, don't get comfortable with and in your inner pain" ohh Lord.. say that one again! :)

"The greatest blessing is what God does in us and taking that blessing to others and letting it come through us" Craig McLeod

Now, that is good!! And yes, good things are happening!

side note: Isn't my father in law awesome?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Africa Calling

An aching heart,  my joy and appetite gone, burdened for the lost life that I was suppose to live out, I write this entry knowing that Africa is still calling my name.

Yesterday and today I had a heart wrenching conversation with a dear friend.  I let go of emotions and feelings I had been keeping tucked deep down in my heart for over four years.   I finally brought them to the forefront of my mind and heart.  Most importantly, I finally brought them to God-Just to think my heavenly father was probably waiting on me to do this for years now.

Out of confusion and frustration I made many decisions in life that was not God's will for me.  Thankfully, Gods mercy's are new everyday and Africa is STILL calling out my name.  Want to know the horrible thing about not doing what God wants you to do?  It not only hurts you, but it hurts other people and in my case, who knows the people I could have helped if I would have just stopped and done what God had asked me to.  

What is remarkable is that God doesn't ever push us to do His will.  We have to decide.  And today I have decided to never turn back when I hear the Lord calling out my name...I choose not to turn back when I feel the holy spirit telling me to change.

The most beautiful thing is that God still has a calling for my life.  Even though I screwed up in the past and chose a much more difficult path, He still has chosen to lead me back to my calling to Kenya.  

Now, I begin my new journey. I now mourn the loss of my life that was never to be lived because of the decisions I made and I look to the future with my life in tow.  And what a beautiful life it will be because of God's grace.  Join me in this journey..

"The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together.  The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road.  The life maps of God are right, showing the way to joy.  The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes."  Message translation of Psalm 19