Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Africa Calling

An aching heart,  my joy and appetite gone, burdened for the lost life that I was suppose to live out, I write this entry knowing that Africa is still calling my name.

Yesterday and today I had a heart wrenching conversation with a dear friend.  I let go of emotions and feelings I had been keeping tucked deep down in my heart for over four years.   I finally brought them to the forefront of my mind and heart.  Most importantly, I finally brought them to God-Just to think my heavenly father was probably waiting on me to do this for years now.

Out of confusion and frustration I made many decisions in life that was not God's will for me.  Thankfully, Gods mercy's are new everyday and Africa is STILL calling out my name.  Want to know the horrible thing about not doing what God wants you to do?  It not only hurts you, but it hurts other people and in my case, who knows the people I could have helped if I would have just stopped and done what God had asked me to.  

What is remarkable is that God doesn't ever push us to do His will.  We have to decide.  And today I have decided to never turn back when I hear the Lord calling out my name...I choose not to turn back when I feel the holy spirit telling me to change.

The most beautiful thing is that God still has a calling for my life.  Even though I screwed up in the past and chose a much more difficult path, He still has chosen to lead me back to my calling to Kenya.  

Now, I begin my new journey. I now mourn the loss of my life that was never to be lived because of the decisions I made and I look to the future with my life in tow.  And what a beautiful life it will be because of God's grace.  Join me in this journey..

"The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together.  The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road.  The life maps of God are right, showing the way to joy.  The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes."  Message translation of Psalm 19   





2 comments:

  1. I love you, my girl. God has great things for you and I stand in grand anticipation! Hearing the voice of God is a wonderful thing ...to think that He, the Creator of the universe, speaks to us! I am praying for you.

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  2. What beautiful writing! The way you intertwined the loss of one life and the coming of a new one struck a chord with me! I have felt many of the emotions you wrote about but was never able to formulate them outside of my brain for others to understand. Ha it's like you read my mind! Great post! I look forward to more : )

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